Five Inside Jokes I Will Have With George Clooney When We Become BFF

1. After we’ve drunk a bottle of fancy wine at our weekly dinner party, George will sit down at the baby grand to play us piano renditions of his favorite 90s R&B hits. I will lovingly refer to these sessions as “Clooney Tunes.” Amal laughs at this joke every time; it never gets old.

2. When I fly over Lake Como in my very expensive privately-charted plane, I’ll text him that I “just flew over the Cloo-Cloo’s nest lol”

3. One night, we’ll stay up way past midnight and everything will be so much funnier than it would be if it were, say, dinner time and someone will foolishly say the phrase “I do do that” and George will point and exclaim, “You said doo-doo!” and we will laugh about that for at least 10 minutes.

4. When Amal and I are gabbing and giggling away about who knows what (probably my inevitable engagement to Brad Pitt), George will come into the room and I’ll playfully wave him away, saying, “Shoo, Cloo!”

5. Something involving the game Clue™; I haven’t worked this one out quite yet. But it’ll be hilarious.