Marry, F***, Kill: Millennial Edition

Ashley Ingle
2 min readMar 2, 2020

A fun game to play at your next happy hour or slumber party.

Full House Father Figures: Danny, Uncle Jesse, Joey

Songs to Sing as an Impromptu Choir on the Bus: “All Star” by Smash Mouth, “Thong Song” by Sisqo, “Mambo №5” by Lou Bega

Prized Items: N64, Discman, Vtech “Laptop”

Preloaded Windows Games: Minesweeper, Solitaire, Jezz Ball

Music Downloading Programs that Freeze the Family Computer: Napster, Limewire, Kazaa

Store We Used to Spend Our Allowance At: Contempo, Limited Too, Circuit City

Snacks That Shady Guy from Math Class “Can Get for You” from the Student Store: Bugles, Warheads, Sour Gummy Worms

2000s Fashion Trends that Make Us Avoid Looking at Old Photos of Ourselves: Pelvic-hugging jeans, side-swept bangs, scarves as belts

Meanest Insult to Hurl at BFF during an After-School Dance in the Gym: “You’re a sellout”, “You’re a poser”, “You’re a Michelle, NOT a Beyonce.”

Sitcom Characters that Have Not Aged Well: Ross Geller, Roseanne Conner, Apu Nahasapeemapetilon

Bands We Thought Went Away but are Somehow Back and Turns Out They’re Total Sellouts??: Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance

Comedic Actors We Once Thought Were Funny but Turns Out They’re Mostly Just Loud: Jim Carrey, Adam Sandler, Will Smith

Childhood Heroes Who Disappointed Us: Bill Cosby, R Kelly, Andy Dick

Childhood Heroes We Can Still Depend On: Keanu Reeves, Tom Hanks, Alex Trebek

Social Media Platforms that Have Permanently Damaged Our Self-Esteem and Well-Being: Instagram, Facebook, Twitter

Social Media Platforms We Are too Old to Understand: TikTok, the concept of Finstas, Kik

Hopes and Dreams: Wage Stagnation, Crippling Student Loan Debt, Outrageous Housing Market

Animated Movies from Childhood that Scarred Us (and Sometimes Still Keep Us Up at Night): All Dogs Go to Heaven, All Dogs Go to Heaven, All Dogs Go to Heaven